Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood (In 8 Simple Steps)

Last Updated on March 20, 2024 by Saskia Friedrich

Rediscovering yourself after motherhood is a process and needs to be practiced.

Have you lost yourself along the way to becoming a mom? Do you feel like you don’t know yourself anymore? Are you stuck in a baby bubble that you can’t break out of?

I feel you! I’ve been exactly where you are right now. Mom life has taken over and you’re tired, frustrated, and unfulfilled.

It takes time to adjust to being a new mom and finding purpose outside of motherhood, so be easy on yourself!

I’m here to help you and show you ways to rediscover yourself after motherhood!

Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood:

Accept that your life has changed forever
Maintain self care
Pick up a hobby
Meet friends
Have date nights with your partner
Set goals/journaling
Accept help
Become the fun mom

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Have I Lost My Identity When Becoming a Mom?

When your baby is born, a part of you dies at the same time. It sounds cruel, but it’s just natural this was going to happen.

All of a sudden, you need to care for someone so small who is 100% dependent on you. You feed your baby, change her diapers, and put her to sleep. Day in, day out.

While craving some much-needed sleep and recovering from birth, there isn’t much room or time for your old self.

Once, the newborn stage is over and you slowly roll over into the toddler phase, the real fun begins. You constantly chase your little one, making sure they stay safe, and don’t take the whole house apart.

You organize play dates, weekly swimming classes, and teach your child how to use the potty chair.

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It’s easy to get caught up in the routine, month after month goes by, and you just keep going without noticing how quickly time flies by.

Even if you don’t physically care for your children, they are always on your mind.

Are they developing at the ‘right’ pace? Do I need to encourage more independent play or more potty training? Do they get enough attention? Are they happy?

More so, having children determines what your day looks like, what you cook, what you spend your money on, what decisions you make, and where you go for a holiday (if you go at all).

Everything revolves around them and they always come first.

It doesn’t help that most times you talk to friends and family, they ask how your baby is going. They hardly ever ask how YOU are going.

So yes, it’s inevitable losing your identity when becoming a mom.

Clear Signs You Have Lost Yourself in Motherhood

When was the last time you did something without your child? And I’m not talking about going to the supermarket by yourself getting food and diapers.

You can’t remember? Or have you ever since you’ve become a mom? You’re asking yourself when, how, etc. It’s hard, I know!

Signs You Have Lost Yourself in Motherhood

You talk about your baby all the time
You think about your baby all the time
You feel unfulfilled, frustrated, and on edge
You don’t know what to do with yourself when you’re not with your baby
You want your old life back
You have regrets about motherhood
You’re not happy in your current situation

It’s Time For Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood!

But I have good news for you! There are ways for rediscovering yourself after motherhood and enjoying life again. You’re an amazing mom, but you’re also so much more than that!

You’re a spouse, a friend, a work colleague, a neighbor, and most important: a woman! You deserve to take time to yourself, do what you love, look pretty, be happy and have a life outside of caring for your offspring.

We complain to our mom friends about how busy and exhausted we are. Sometimes it even feels like we only get accepted by society (and other judgmental moms), if we devote our lives to our family.

That is certainly not me and this isn’t how it should be! Life is too short to be miserable, so go ahead and do something about it. Learn how to overcome your self-care barriers!

With these simple (but not always easy) steps you will feel alive, motivated, and happy again!

8 Ways for Rediscovering Yourself & Finding Purpose After and Outside of Motherhood

Accept that your life has changed forever
Maintain self care
Pick up a hobby
Meet friends
Have date nights with your partner
Set goals/journaling
Accept help
Become the fun mom

1. Accept That Your Life Has Changed Forever

Since you’re reading this post, I assume, you already know that you have lost yourself in motherhood. Your life has changed drastically and so have you. That’s ok and normal. How could you have not changed? You created a tiny human and are fully responsible for it.

It’s important that you not only know about the change but also accept it. You can’t get your old life back. It’s gone forever and there’s no point in chasing old memories. But you can learn how to deal with your new life and be happy with it.

In saying that, it’s also completely normal to miss your old life after having a baby, so don’t feel any guilt!

This brings us to the next steps you need to take for rediscovering yourself after motherhood.

2. Maintain Self Care

Maintaining self care is crucial when it comes to finding back to your true self. If you don’t care for your kids, you make sure the house is in order or you run errands. Be sure to regularly take time to care for yourself and do what makes you happy and comfortable.

That can be as little as having a shower (using a special body wash) or taking a bath, or as much as going to the hairdresser or getting a pedicure and manicure.

It’s all about finding a good balance that works for you and your family circumstances. How about you start with gifting yourself a little self-care kit?

When you do something for yourself, you’re a more relaxed mom and you can handle your kid’s meltdowns and other difficult situations much easier. Your kids and your partner will feel your good vibe and family life will be happier.

More Self Care Ideas:

3. Pick Up a Hobby

Picking up a hobby is separate from taking time to maintain self-care. If you want to rediscover yourself after motherhood, you need to pick up something that stimulates your brain and/or body.

Is there a sport you used to love doing or would you like to learn something new like sewing or painting? Or maybe you want to learn a new language?

Whatever it may be and whether you do it by yourself or in a group, if you want to get out of the baby world, you need to find something you love doing.

Hobby Ideas for Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood

Reading
Writing/starting a bl o g
Cycling/running/swimming
Yoga/Pilates
Hiking
Drawing (check out this beautiful drawing set sketching kit)
Knitting (learn how to with this knitting kit for beginners)
Scrapbooking
Embroidery
Puzzles

If you struggle to find time to do a hobby, you may want to look into creating a morning or evening routine (whatever suits you better). Having a routine in place and ‘scheduling’ time to do things, you are more likely to end up doing them.

Getting up earlier than your kids and doing something for yourself first is a great feeling. It gives you a lot of energy and satisfaction for your day ahead. Whenever I do decide to ‘sleep in’ and get up when my daughter wakes up, I regret it so much! I then start the day being 2 steps behind and I’m more likely to get frustrated and snappy.

If a morning or evening routine doesn’t work for you, try to utilize the time you have. Is your little one happily playing by himself? Now is the time to squeeze in a little workout or read a few pages of your book. 10 minutes every now and then is better than nothing. Be flexible and spontaneous!

4. Meet Friends

Get out and become more social again! Whether you meet your mom friends while the kids are having a playdate, or child-less friends, it doesn’t really matter. It’s so important for your well-being that you leave the house and talk to people who mean a lot to you.

You can even start to re-connect with old friends you haven’t spoken to in a while or make new friends. It’s a little hard at first to break through the baby bubble but you will soon notice the change it makes to your life.

You will feel so refreshed after meeting a friend over dinner or going to the movies.

5. Have Date Nights With Your Partner

This is just as important as meeting friends. Don’t forget about your spouse not only being the father to your child but also being your partner. Remember why you fell in love with him/her and make the effort to spend time with them (without your kids).

Set up weekly or monthly date nights either at home or out of the house. You could go for dinner, to the movies, or to the theatre. It will make a big difference to your relationship and for a short moment, you feel like a couple again, not just parents. Try not to talk about your children, there’s enough time to do so when you come home again.

Maybe you have family who can watch the kids, or you can look for a babysitter.

6. Set Goals / Do Journaling

Journaling and setting goals is a great way to see the bigger picture. What’s your passion? What do you want in life? Do you want to devote your whole self to your children or do you strive for more?

Maybe you want to open up your own business and travel more. You can be a good mom and an ambitious and curious individual at the same time.

You deserve to be happy!

One day, your children will move out of home, go traveling, or even move to a different country. Save yourself from falling into a big hole not knowing what to do with yourself when that time comes.

Write down what’s going well in your life and what isn’t. That way you see the things you can be grateful for, but also what can be improved in your life.

Journaling helps you track your progress in rediscovering yourself after motherhood.

Set daily, monthly and yearly goals. Where do you see yourself in 10 or 20 years? Your life doesn’t stop only because you’re a mom. You’re still an individual with dreams and life goals.

Learn how to overcome your barriers!

Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood by Setting Goals:

Daily goal: Maintaining self care / doing Yoga

Monthly goal: Reading one book

Yearly goal: Training for a marathon

5-10-year goal: Traveling to a country you’ve always wanted to go to and/or opening your own business

7. Accept Help

Even though we like to think that we can do it all by ourselves, we simply can’t! It takes a village to raise a child. Accept help from others such as your spouse, friends, family, or a babysitter and trust them to look after your little one. Your child will also enjoy having other people in their lives who they can look up to.

Venture out, explore the world around you, and rediscover yourself after motherhood.

I’m writing this post being on a solo trip – woohoo! I highly recommend doing it. It’s just for the weekend, but it is SO good!

The first day by myself was super weird, especially when I saw other families. I felt lonely for about 5 seconds – until I heard one of the kids scream. Hell yeah, am I glad I’m doing this trip by myself. Doing whatever you want, whenever you want, and for as long as you want is liberating. Now I’m doing it, I don’t know why I haven’t done it earlier.

As moms, we usually worry a lot and we think that we can’t leave our family. But my spouse is totally fine back home and me going away is a good opportunity for him to bond more with our daughter.

Don’t let the mom guilt stop you from enjoying life!

8. Become the Fun Mom

Another aspect that hopefully encourages you to shift your perspective is that you want to be a good role model for your kids.

Your children watch what you do every single day and learn from you. Do you want them to see you unhappy and prioritizing house chores over fun activities?

By rediscovering yourself after motherhood, you teach your little ones that life is precious end enjoyable. If they see you venturing out and taking care of yourself, they turn into confident and independent people, who know their self-worth.

Besides, it’s hard for you to teach your child new things if you always stay home and are surrounded by your same old routine.

Julia Cameron describes this perfectly in her book “The Artists’ Way for Parents“:

…we are making a dangerous decision indeed. Not only are we putting ourselves at risk of becoming resentful, we are modeling this behavior for our children.” By not taking time for yourself, you are denying your own importance and teaching your children a lack of self-worth. If you want to raise empowered children, show them through the example of caring for yourself first. If we are empty, we have less to give others. In order to fill the cup of another, we must first fill our own.

FAQs on Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood

How Can I Regain My Sense of Self After Having a Baby?

Follow these steps regularly to find back to yourself after having a baby:

1. Exercise at home/gym or go outside for a walk.
2. Get ready in the morning and dress up a bit.
3. Have time away from your baby to do the things you love.
4. Meet friends.
5. Go to the hairdresser and other beauty places.

How Do New Moms Not Lose Themselves?

To not lose yourself after becoming a mom, you need to remind yourself of who you were before having a baby.

What activities do you enjoy? Do them alone or with friends. It’s important that you set aside time for the things you love doing as well as working towards personal goals.

Yes, your baby needs you. But not all the time. He/she will be ok without you for a day or a few hours.

Is It Normal to Miss Your Old Life After Having a Baby?

Yes, it’s completely normal to miss your old life after having a baby. You have lost almost all of your freedom and all your time, energy, and money goes toward your baby.

There are a lot of emotions going on when you trade your old life for motherhood, so it’s just fine that you feel this way.

Final Thoughts on Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood

I hope these steps will help you in rediscovering yourself after motherhood and finding out what you love doing. You may not like the things you used to, but it’s still important to set time aside for yourself and do things that don’t involve your kids.

If you’re anything like me, you enjoy even the smallest activities like getting a takeaway coffee and going for a walk by yourself. You learn to be more intentional with your time.

It’s normal to miss your child when you’re not with them but make the most out of the time you have to yourself. Before you know it, you’re back home, getting all the chores thrown at you. It’s all about finding a balance between being a mom and being YOU.

Good luck!

Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood

About The Author

Saskia is a mom, blogger, and freelance writer. She loves sharing tips on self-care, personal growth, and productivity & organization. Find out more about her or get in touch with her here.